It's true, one's life changes forever when they hear those three little dreaded words - YOU HAVE CANCER. For me, after the doctor said those three words my brain went into a fog.  The doctor told me I had infiltrating ductal carcinoma, Nottingham grade 3, 1.8 cm and lymph node positive for metastatic disease 2.7 cm. and the HER-2 was a triple negative.  Because of the aggressive nature of this triple negative breast cancer, I was to undergo adjuvant chemotherapy as per Eastern Cooperative Oncology Group clinical trial E5103, a national phase III clinical trial evaluating duxorubicin, cyclophophamide, paclitaxedl and bevacizumab as adjuvant therapy to reduce chance of breast cancer returning.  The planned therapy was to potentially take one year to complete.  Side effects were to include nausea, vomiting, immune suppression with increased risk of infection, significant fatigue and increased risk of bleeding, mouth sores, hair loss, etc.  It was as if all those words of explanation went in one ear and out another, as my mind was was now calculating all I felt I needed to do to get my life in order in case I didn't make it through the operation or treatments.  I started to be concerned about who would care for my parents and uncle who were living with us, as my mother had breast cancer too and was fading from dementia.  My uncle and father had dementia too and my uncle wasn't in good health at that moment in time either.  My 18 year old daughter would be graduating from high school in May and I found myself begging God over and over to at least let me live to see my daughter graduate from high school. I took the large cancer booklet home with me and collapsed on the bathroom floor and sobbed my eyes out.  I never questioned God as to 'why me', but I knew I wanted to live longer to see my daughter graduate, get married and have some children.  I didn't want to miss those events, and I didn't want her to go through those years without having me around for her.  I tried to quit feeling sorry for myself and we scheduled the surgery (bilateral mastectomy) and removal of the lymph nodes under my left arm for October 21, 2010.  The Lord saw fit to take my mother to heaven the day before my surgery (October 21, 2010).  I had been at a meeting that morning for our foster child and came home to get mom up and out of bed for the day, but when I entered the room I knew she would depart from us shortly, so brought my father in to say goodbye to her.  She went peacefully and I believe God took her then, as He knew I wouldn't be able to lift her out of bed after my surgery.  A week after the surgery, October 26th, I went in to see the surgeon and he found a hematoma and put me back in the hospital right away.  A couple hours later removed a pop can full of blood.  The next day we had mom's visitation, and the next day we had mom's funeral and my husband and I sang at her home going, and the next day we had her burial.  I was exhausted!  Then, after healing for a few weeks from the operation, the chemotherapy started.  Aaugh!!!  Who ever invented the stuff may have been a genius, but it sure is nasty stuff!!!  The medication to deal with the nausea and pain however (Gabapentin, Dexamethazone, Lorazepam, Oxycodone, etc.) worked for the most part pretty well.  After the first few treatments I didn't want to continue, it was horrible.  I received Adriamycin (doxorubicin), cyclophosphamide (cytoxan), taxol (paclitaxel) and Avastin (bevacizumab - the clinical trial drug).  After each treatment I had to go into the clinic to have a neulasta shot 24 hours after the treatment which forces the bone marrow to reproduce faster as the drug kills everything good and bad.  This shot made my bones feel like they were being crushed.  My family urged me to keep going and through it all, the doctors and nurses have all been very kind, gracious, understanding, encouraging and helpful.  The side effects of aching bones and muscles, nausea, hair loss, ringing in the ears, throat sores, food tasting like cardboard, etc. weren't pleasant at all, but I have tried to stay focused on getting better and keeping a positive attitude through it all.  I don't know how anyone could ever get through any of this without having Jesus as their Lord and Savior.  Financially it has been a little hard to cover all the bills.  Even though my husband's job has good insurance coverage, it doesn't cover all of the medical expenses.  Just 1 bag of one of the chemo drugs cost $12,000.00.  I don't know how people who don't have any insurance coverage pay for treatment.    I applied for social security disability to help pay medical bills, etc. while undergoing treatment, but they turned me down saying that with extreme fatigue that I still should be able to work at a desk job.  My oncologist even wrote them a letter, but they still didn't realize that with that type of fatigue you can walk from your bed to the kitchen and have to sit down, that it's hard to breath and hard to swallow, etc.  Our government isn't as sympathetic as our medical  professionals, that's for sure. I recently finished chemotherapy, and aside from the 3 types of chemo drugs they had me on, I was also on a clinical trial which turned out to be the real drug, so hopefully it will have helped knock out the cancer.  The most recent PET scan showed that I am presently in remission, and we pray that it stays that way.  Ever so slowly my hair is coming back in (white) and I definitely look like the grandma that I am and thankfully food doesn't taste too bad anymore.  I am extremely grateful the Lord has given me the opportunity to be here longer and my priorities in life have definitely changed and I live each day so thankful that I am here to be with my family and friends!!! Please keep us in your prayers.  I have a small blood clot in my ankle and am battling lymphodema, undergoing physical therapy, and if I stay in remission after 3 months then will be facing reconstructive surgery and dealing with drainage tubes again.  Sigh!  If you're able to help financially, we thank you.  Below are links to help me and agencies who help cancer patients in times of great need. Thank you and God Bless! Carolyn Larson Glover www.cancercare.org Hope Chest Pink Ribbon Riders.com Unity Hospital